Moving part two.
Trusting in the pain having a purpose.
Trusting in the healing journey within.
Trusting in the unseen road ahead.
It is hard. It doesn’t happen overnight.
It doesn’t come without a battle. At least it doesn’t for me. Not after the season we are just coming out of.
It’s no surprise that the cost of cancer, or any illness, is pricey. The lifesaving treatments and surgeries, the extended hospital stays, the daily medications, the gas to and from, the eating out because you are too drained to cook a meal. All of it adds up.
We were shown God’s grace and favor through Brady’s battle with leukemia. Our insurance covered all of his hospital bills and so many pitched in with extreme generosity and kindness and kept our family afloat. Not only physically and emotionally, but also financially.
So by the grace of God we have gotten through Brady’s front line of the battle continuing to be debt free.
I honestly don’t understand it. It doesn’t make sense at all.
Brady’s one medication he takes daily is $17,000 a month.
His month of Blina in the backpack he wore, over $125,000.
The two ICU hospital stays and his transplant? Let’s not even talk about that.
So when we thought about moving the idea of taking on another mortgage scared me.
It’s not that we can’t afford it now, we can. It’s that what if Brady’s cancer comes back? What if we lose our insurance? What if Chris loses his job? What if, what if, what if…
Trust. In the healing. In the journey. In the unknown.
So the day before we closed on our new house Brady asked me, “aren’t you glad I got cancer?”
He asked me that because he knew I was struggling. I felt safe with the comfort of where we were financially. Safe with no mortgage. Safe with staying put not knowing what could lie ahead.
But the problem was that we felt nudged to go.
That something new was ahead.
It has been on our hearts for months.
But leaving the safety of where we are means stepping foot onto the tightrope across the open void below.
Statistics tell us that Brady has a 64% chance of making it to December 3 of this year. If he makes it to then, he has an 80% chance of surviving another additional year.
Statistics. They are scary. They cause you to crawl into your safe place.
Taking on debt knowing what could lie ahead is a bit terrifying.
But you know what is also terrifying? Missing out on something that God has prepared for you.
The morning our offer was accepted I prayed and prayed. From 2am-6am I couldn’t sleep. “Lord please. If this isn’t what you want for our family send someone else. Let our offer not be accepted, Lord,” I pleaded over and over, “I don’t want it if it isn’t what you want for us. Lead us where you want us to go.”
In those wee hours of the night I let go of my fear of what Brady’s future could mean for us financially and where our road was headed.
First thing in the morning we got the news. Our offer was accepted.
I’m that moment I found trust in the move ahead.
I found trust in know that God has made a way through everything this far and he won’t leave us here no matter what things may be.
We have officially owned our new home for a week now. We are busy cleaning and painting and making it ours.
Every time I look out upon the property it is as if I can feel Gods presence all around like a hug. I almost cried tonight as I watered flowers because I was so overcome with gratitude and appreciation.
I could tell you so many things that feel like this home was designed exactly for us and our Way to Battle mission, but that would be part three.
For now, Brady was right. Him having cancer has pushed me out of my comfort zone. It has required me to lean into the Lord more than ever before in my life and trust him to provide in ever single season. It has forced me to let go of the things that try to hold me down. It has required me to allow others to help us through. It has made me realize just how incredibly precious every single moment we have together is.
And I don’t want to waste a second of it.
“You held me steady so I wouldn't give up
You opened doors that nobody could shut
I hope I never get over what You've done
I wanna live with an open heart
I wanna live like I know who You are
I hope I never get over what You've done
It's not coincidence and it's not luck
I know it comes from above
I've got miracles on miracles
A million little miracles
Miracles on miracles
Count your miracles
One, two, three, four, I can't even count 'em all”