Surrender is hard...
There are some days and moments that are meant for fighting. For going down swinging as hard as you possibly can.
Then, there are days and moments for surrender. For giving all your hopes and dreams over to the One who created it all.
Surrendering doesn’t mean quitting. It means submitting my will for God’s will.
My will is that our son will be healed and his cancer gone. My will is for all these challenges to come to an end and for his treatment to go “as planned”.
But what if that isn’t God’s will? What if God’s will is for his journey to be long so that more people will hear of his testimony? What if God’s will is for more trials to come so that our family can impact others through it? What if there are more people to meet? More stories to tell? More victories to see? More defeats to conquer?
So a couple nights ago I surrendered. I surrendered my will to God’s will. I surrendered all the hopes and dreams of Brady’s future over to the One who holds the master plan.
Surrender is freeing, friends. It is allowing yourself the ability to breathe in the midst of the struggle. Surrender isn’t easy and it very isn’t a one time thing, especially if you like control like me. No, surrender is something you have to do constantly.
The worry. The fear. The what-ifs. All of it requires surrender, and then trust.
After his labs were run yesterday, it was clear Brady was going to be going into week three of a treatment hold. His ANC is now severely low. ANC is the one we can’t do anything about. It is what we prayed for to get his port in. It feels like it is God reminding me, once again, to let go of the things I can’t control.
So, at the alter, I fell on my knees.
I let go of MY will. I let go of MY plans. I finally just let it all go…
“Here is where I lay it down, every burden, every crown. This is my surrender…”