Sorry cancer. You lose.

Beating cancer. Round two. Day three.

I thought about it last night as I laid down trying to fall asleep in the PICU for the second night.

I could picture it in my head.

Vivid like a movie.

Jesus’s disciples, the ones who loved him, who followed him, who believed in him, there standing in the darkness of the sidelines watching him suffer.

Helpless.

During the torture and crucifixion of Jesus the disciples watched unable to understand what was happening and why.

They watched as a sinless man was falsely accused.

They watched as the man who came to heal the world was beaten and tortured.

They watched as the only one who held the power to save himself instead surrendered his life to the sinners he came to save.

They watched, completely helpless, unknowing the miracle that was unfolding.

The miracle that was being born from the pain and brokenness.

I’m sure they all were asking the same question I find myself asking.

“Why?”

Why does it have to be like this?

Why does it have to be brutal and hard?

Why can’t I make it better or take this pain instead?

And this one, the hardest one of all, “God, why, if you are who you say you are, why won’t you rescue him?”

I pondered that for a long time laying there.

Sometimes the pain, the one we don’t want to accept, witness, or walk through, it changes us. That pain breaks us in a way nothing else ever could.

The disciples had to witness what is unimaginable for most of us today.

But what if experiencing the pain and brokenness that comes from watching the unimaginable happen to someone you love in fact birthed the fire that changed the face of the world as we know it?

What if that pain was experienced gave them the courage and bravery to themselves go to scary places to spread the Gospel?

Would the story of Jesus feel the same without the pain he had to endure as he gave his life for the rest of us? Would it have the impact without the brokenness that was felt?

Of course we want to think we don’t need the pain to experience the gravity of the victory, but we would be lying.

The largest, most incredible victories have come after overcoming the greatest hurts. The greatest setbacks. The greatest pains.

Jesus’s greatest victory, in my opinion, wasn’t the healing he provided here on earth during his ministry. His greatest victory happened after the pain he experienced during his time on earth was complete. His greatest victory was overcoming death and rising to his rightful throne at the right hand of our Father to give each of us access to eternal life.

And that is the ultimate victory that every person on earth can experience if they believe and put their trust in Him.

Sure, Jesus healed many while he walked this planet, but in heaven, well, in heaven his hand saves millions. His hand is being held out for everyone who will have faith and believe.

So we sit here, watching our son as he receives the first of three immunotherapy treatments to prepare him for the harvest of his cells.

And I have to think.

I don’t know what Brady’s future holds.

I don’t know if he will be one that has a miraculous healing here on earth to be able for him to live a long and normal life.

But I do know that he loves Jesus and Jesus lives in his heart. So even if he doesn’t get a victory here on earth, I know he will get a miracle walking through the gates of heaven one day as he touches Jesus’s outstretched hand to welcome him home.

So to those sitting here with us. In the midst of the pain. In the midst of the suffering. In the midst of the unknown. In the midst of the “why does it have to be this way?”.

I don’t yet have the understanding to answer the questions I’m also asking.

But I know this.

If the pain that came from watching Jesus suffer the unimaginable could catapult the disciples to change the spiritual climate of the world, and I am a follower of Christ, than that power is in me too.

I can do it too. You can do it too.

We can be apart of the miraculous victory too.

Sorry cancer. You lose.

We are in a win-win situation.

Shields up.

Swords out.

Together in the battle,

Kristin

“For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”

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