Neither one could look...
Neither one could look. Blake turned away while Brady squeezed his eyes tight. Brady has been scared to be accessed again since he found out Tuesday he was going to need more transfusions. Today, as we went to leave for the hospital, Blake begged to come. I tried to explain how it was going to be a very long day and unexpected things could happen so I thought it was best he stayed home. He kept insisting and I kept declining. Finally, he walked away. Right before we left I found Blake curled up on the chair in our bedroom with the blanket over him. In that moment I realized I was being so selfish. I am so tired and I was denying Blake the opportunity to come because I didn’t want to hear whining or complaining when things didn’t go according to plan. Because let’s be real, almost nothing ever goes according to plan. So I stopped. I looked at him curled under that blanket and I said, “Blake, I’m so sorry. I know you want to come and as long as you understand how long today is going to be, you can come. Go change your clothes fast and get in the van with Brady.” On the drive they talked about how scared Brady was that it was going to hurt and what it felt like the first time. At first, Blake said he didn’t want to be in the room when they did it. But a few minutes later Brady asked Blake to be there. Blake quickly agreed. Then, they both agreed neither one wanted to actually watch it though. Further down the road, Brady quietly said, “Blake, I love you. Thank you for coming with me. It doesn’t seem so bad since you are here.” Slow tears began as I drove. As I watched them take on the port access together, I couldn’t believe that I almost denied them this moment. This time to come together to battle this cancer, together. Blake doesn’t know how to help Brady most days, but this, this he could do. This made him feel useful. Today, Brady’s labs were lower than expected. His platelets have dropped to only 9 and his hemoglobin 6.8. His ANC has stayed strong at over 2,000 though so we are thanking God for that. We will be in again Monday for more transfusions to get him stable for his spinal tap chemo on Tuesday. I am so thankful God opened my eyes to my imperfections in that moment with Blake. And for allowing me to see what I needed to change my heart. If not for that, these moments today would have been missed. “Open the eyes of their hearts and let the light of Your truth flood in.” #waytobattlebrady #bravelikebrady #TheBattleIsOn #leukemiawarrior #phillylikemutation #brothers