I was flipping pancakes for the kids this morning. It wasn’t even 9am and I had already had an in depth conversation with Brady’s doctor.
My coffee sat there on the counter. I picked it up mid pancake flip and tried not to cry while the kids were sitting in the other room.
Nothing is broken or fractured in Brady’s feet.
Thursday Brady will have another biopsy. Given the change found on the X-rays and the results of the MRI, our next step is trying to rule out that Brady is relapsing.
After a biopsy on June 14 and good lab work last Monday, relapse seems hard to believe, but at this point it is the next thing we have to rule out.
Yesterday Brady was really looking much better. He was able to eat a few small meals and actually got in the pool for a little bit.
But today has been a different story.
Today he has been exhausted and unable to eat. He finally hasn’t had any pain, but he also hasn’t been able to get off the couch.
This morning I looked at my cup of coffee there on the counter. One of my best friends had just mailed it to me. It was literally one of the biggest mugs I had ever seen.
My initial thought was, “even this mug isn’t big enough to fit all the tears I want to cry right now.”
I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting a fight I didn’t ask for. I’m tired of feeling like a “normal” life is never going to exist again. And mostly, mostly I’m tired of watching my child suffer.
I flipped the pancakes on the griddle, fought back my tears, took a deep breath and looked at the huge mug again.
I needed to flip myself.
I picked up that mug of coffee and prayed.
Fill me, Lord. Fill me like this mug. Fill me with your love. Fill me with your peace. Fill me with your fight. Fill me with your perseverance. Fill me with your grace. Fill me with your mercy. Fill me.
Some battles take every ounce of us just to keep going. Too many people I know are just like us.
We have been faced with battles that don’t seem to cease.
And for those of you in the midst of the battle field I pray this over you too.
Fill us, Lord.
Fill us so we can fight, preserve, and battle with love, grace, and mercy.
Fill us so full that everything you pour into us spills over to our kids and family so they never stop battling either.
Fill us so full that everything you pour into us floods into every person we come in contact with.
Fill us so full that we all can continue to endure the battle.
Fill us, Lord.
The battle is where we can be strengthened and perfected, but we can’t do it from an empty cup. We need to be filled by the One who holds the living water.
Praying all of us our filled tonight.
Praying to be overflowing,
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”